Crash
by silverdragon917
Summary: It had been a year since Allen's world had collapsed, and the memories wouldn't go away. It was his fault, he deserved to be haunted by the memories, of Kanda. Why did loving someone have to hurt so much, even when they were gone? Yullen. Song Fic. Character death.


**A/N: So this is a song fic based on the song "Crash" by Sum 41. The song lyrics are in italics, just so you know. It's a really depressing song, so therefore the stories pretty sad too. I had the idea for this while shuffling through my ipod during one of my free periods. It's my first song fic, so please don't bite my head off when you review, I'm still trying to get the hang of it. I have to warn you there is a character death, although the language is pretty clean.**

**Thanks for reading and please review to tell me how I did.**

**silverdragon**

**Disclaimer: I don't own D. Gray Man or any of the characters.**

Crash

It had been a year since the accident, but it felt like a fresh wound in Allen's heart. A year full of turmoil, and wanting, wanting for something he could never get back. There were no more kisses, touches, or whispered words from the one he loved, not anymore. His heart had been ripped to shreds, because it was all his fault.

If only he hadn't asked his lover to come over. If only he hadn't convinced the other to go for a sunset walk. If only he hadn't been stupid, and walked into traffic. If only his lover hadn't pushed him out of the way before the car hit. If only Yu Kanda hadn't loved him so much.

Allen visited the grave a year after the terrible collision, broken inside, but still standing because that's what Kanda would have wanted. He broke down looking at the cold stone that marked his lovers grave, wishing it could've been different, wishing he could go back and change what had happened. Wishing it had been him.

_Flashback_

The day was beautiful, sunshine streaming through the windows while Allen sat alone in his apartment. "I wonder what Kanda's doing," he thought to himself, deciding to call the temperamental teen just for something to do. He dialed the number, waiting for an answer, hoping Kanda wasn't busy.

"Hello," a deep voice resonated from the other end of the line.

"Hey Kanda, what are you doing right now?" Allen asked, wondering if they could hang out, just so he could see the beautiful face of his lover again.

"Nothing really, just some training, why?" Kanda sounded a little annoyed at the interruption, but it was Allen on the other end so his anger only went so far.

"Do you want to come over? We could have dinner, watch a movie…." he trailed off, suggesting other things they could do without actually saying anything.

"Che, fine, I'll be over in ten minutes," he hung up the phone, probably racing to get his car keys and coat.

Allen gave a self-satisfied smirk, he knew how to get Kanda to do whatever he wanted, which was a good thing in his case. He tidied up a bit before the other boy came over, making sure his bed was made, and everything was in its place. When he heard a knock on the door he was overjoyed, rushing to open it and see the gorgeous blue eyes he'd come to love.

Opening the door Allen was suddenly grabbed and brought into a long passionate kiss, which he broke, only to usher Kanda inside so the neighbors didn't see. He closed the door and looked at Kanda, who was already lounging on the couch, TV remote in hand.

"What do you want to watch?" Kanda asked, turning the TV and DVD player on, and looking up at Allen.

"How about The Notebook?" Allen asked seating himself next to Kanda on the couch.

"You know I don't like those mushy love movies, so why do you insist on watching them when I come over?" Kanda pulled Allen closer, kissing the white hair on the boys head.

"Because they're romantic, and cute," Allen pouted into Kanda's chest, "But you know what would be more romantic? A sunset walk in the park."

"No, Moyashi you know I don't like taking walks," Kanda deadpanned, "People stare at you and it makes me angry, your mine and no one else's."

Allen flushed a bit in anger at Kanda's use of the annoying nickname, "But Kanda pleeeeeaaaase, we wouldn't have to walk that far, I just wanted to see the sun set over the pond, it looks so pretty this time of year."

The expression in Kanda's eyes softened as he looked into the twin pools of gray that were Allen's eyes, "Fine, just a short walk, but if anyone looks at you I'm going to have to introduce them to Mugen." Allen laughed at that one, making Kanda frown because he'd been total serious about his threat.

Allen pulled the long haired man off the couch and towards the door, grabbing his coat as he went. Once the door was locked, and both had their coats on they began the short walk to the park a couple of blocks away. Allen slid his hand into Kanda's, noticing the bemused smirk the older man gave at the gesture. They walked the two blocks to the park, enjoying the view of the city. The sun was setting quickly and if they didn't hurry they would miss the beautiful sight Allen had wanted to see. Noticing this Allen let his hand slide from Kanda's, rushing across the busy road in his hast.

He didn't even see the car, it was rushing towards him at high speed, and he could do nothing to stop it. That's when he felt someone push him from behind, out of the path of the car. He fell to the ground, catching himself from hitting the pavement with his hands. The next few moments seemed to happen in slow motion.

Allen turned around to see the car hit Kanda dead on, flipping the man over the hood of the car, and sending him sprawling on the pavement. The driver didn't even stop, just kept going as though nothing had happened. Allen crawled to Kanda's side, praying that his lover wasn't dead yet. He felt for a pulse, and finding one he began to relax, but that's when he looked at Kanda's body. It was torn up and broken, bones sticking out wrong angles, and blood beginning to pool around his body.

"Aren?" a voice whispered, the injured teen's accent was thick, as it usually got when he was upset.

"Shhh, everything's going to be alright," Allen cupped the beautiful face, fighting back the tears that were threatening to emerge, "Someone call 911 please," he called out, his voice breaking on the last word. He looked back at Kanda, finally realizing how bad it was. There was blood everywhere, soaking through Kanda's cloths and staining the pavement.

"Aren, come here," Kanda's voice was so weak, so broken that Allen finally let the tears begin to fall.

_Hold me now cause I couldn't even if I tried_

_It's over now I guess it really is my time_

_I don't want to go but it's time I gotta say goodbye_

_So hold me now cause this will be our last time_

Allen crawled over and placed Kanda's head in his lap, gently stroking the silky raven locks he loved so much.

"It's going to be okay, just hang in there, please Kanda," his usually smooth voice was ragged as he fought back sobs, trying to stay strong for his lover.

"Call... me... Yu, please… Aren," the man on the ground asked, his breath coming in shallow gasps.

"Oh Yu, don't give up, please don't give up yet," Allen wasn't even trying to hold back his tears anymore, he just let them fall silently down his cheeks.

_I'm slowing down and I don't think that I can fight,_

_I know some how you'll find a way to live your life,_

_Remember just to live everyday like it's your last,_

_And hold me now cause I think it's time for me to pass._

"I don't think….. I can last…. much longer," he eyes began to close as he drifted towards unconsciousness.

"No Yu, look at me, look at me. Don't close your eyes please, just don't close your eyes." A few of the tears slipped off Allen's chin and onto the beautiful face beneath him. This could not be happening, Allen felt his world collapsing in on itself, and he couldn't seem to get rid of the cold fingers that gripped his heart.

"Aren….. remember me, just….. don't shrink into yourself….. like before," He was talking about when Allen's guardian had died, Mana had been the best father anyone could've asked for, and when he died Allen had disappeared into himself, until he met Kanda. Kanda reached a shaking hand up to push some hair out of Allen's eyes, grimacing at the pain and leaving a light trail of blood in the feathery white hair.

"Yu, don't go. I can't lose you," Allen was shaking with the force of the sobs as they racked his body. This should not be happening, they had only been dating a few months, and yet seeing Kanda lying there, giving up, ripped his heart into pieces. Kanda had become his reason for living, and Allen couldn't picture a life without him.

_I don't wanna die, I don't know why _

_This kind of fate was meant for me,_

_You gotta be strong, gotta move on_

_It's not how it was supposed to be_

_What do I say?_

_It was never supposed to end up this way_

_What do I have to do?_

_Was supposed to grow old with you_

_But that ain't gonna happen_

_No that ain't gonna happen_

"Aren, I'm…. not going to….. make it," Kanda was crying now, looking into Allen's grey eyes with a hazy pair of cobalt.

"No, Yu, just… just hang in there. There's help coming, just a few minutes longer, please," Allen said, trying to stop his sobs and be strong, for Kanda.

_Hold me now, cause the time I've gots running out,_

_No tears allowed, even though we've become without,_

_I just wanna feel, your head lying on my chest,_

_So hold me now, as I take my last breath._

"I….. love….. you…. Aren Walker. Don't…. forget that," it came out softer than a whisper, but Allen still caught the words.

"I love you too Yu Kanda," he said a sad smile gracing his lips for a moment before it was washed away by terrible tears.

"Come…. here," Kanda reached and arm up and jerked his head slightly towards his chest. Allen, understanding the meaning of the gesture gently placed Kanda's head on his jacket, and crawled to curl up onto Kanda's chest. If it hurt the other teen he showed no indication, only lay there, stoking Allen's hair and ghosting his unbroken hand over the boy's face.

Allen's face was buried in Kanda's chest, breathing in the scent of him, which was mixed with the metallic scent of blood, as he listened to Kanda's faint heartbeats. After a few moments Kanda's hand stilled on his head, and the blue haired teen took one final shuttering breath before going limp. Allen, who's head was on the others chest heard the breath leave his lovers lungs, only to not be replaced. Kanda's heart stopped beating, and Allen grabbed a fistful of his shirt, crying his eyes out onto the body of his broken lover and best friend.

Five minutes later the paramedics showed up, getting out of the ambulance in a hurry, only to see a white haired boy of no older than 18 crying over a battered and bloodstained body. They made their way over, trying not to disturb the boy, and attempted to take the pulse of the teen on the ground.

"He's dead," Allen said his voice dead and devoid of anything. He sat up, and looked at the boy who had been his world once more. He half smiled through the tears at the expression on Kanda's face, one of blissful peace, so different from how he looked in life. The paramedic who had been trying to take Kanda's pulse stiffened and shook his head. The other paramedics went back to the ambulance, to get a body bag.

Allen stood up and dried his eyes, "Goodbye, Yu Kanda. I'll always remember us."

_End Flashback_

Almost every day after the accident Allen wished it had been him. He knew it was selfish, but dealing with the pain, listening to his friends' sympathetic words, and living his life had become an unbearable burden. He'd thought about committing suicide many times, only to stop himself when he thought of the last conversation he'd had with Kanda. The angry teen had insisted that Allen moved on, and he was trying, but it turned out to be easier said than done.

"Why Kanda? Why did you have to save me?" Allen asked the grave stone in front of him, willing it to give the answers he so desperately needed. He'd become a hollow shell of his former self, and no one had been able to fill the void Kanda had left. He let the sobs rack his body until his was on his knees, kneeling on the soft grass that had grown over Kanda's grave site.

After three hours of sitting there crying, his friends found him, offering comforting words that would never help, because they couldn't bring Kanda back. He stood up and walked off, knowing there was no way to change everything that had happened, no matter how desperately he wanted to.

He left the graveyard and didn't look back, feeling his heart clench at the thought of leaving. Even so, he was done living in the shadow of the life he had had with Kanda. It was time to move on, just like Kanda had wanted, but he would never forget his love. There was no way he'd be able to forget Kanda, and what they had shared, no matter how brief, it the memories were just something he'd have to learn to live with.

**A/N: So there you have it, I guess I was being a little overly sadistic when I wrote this, but it still makes for a good story. I hope you liked it, even though Kanda dies. Please review and tell me what you thought.**


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